yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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