I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
