i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
