Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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