now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
