was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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