I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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