Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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