Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
