DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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