Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
