there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
