you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
