Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
