We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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