ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
