Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
