Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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