I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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