rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
