is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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