Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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