OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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