Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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