dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
