My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
