all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
