How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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