Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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