Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
