How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
