You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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