why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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