He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
