Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
