Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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