my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
