Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
