nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
