Porn is love you can see.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
