I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
