At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
