im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
