Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
