Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
