i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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