its not stalking. its research.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
