So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
