Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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