careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just cut my nipple shaving
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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