you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What a dumb baby whore.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
