im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
